Biden Busted With His Pants Down
President Joe Biden was still trying to button up his pants in public after another report came out that classified documents had been found “safely stored” with his classic Corvette in his residential garage where no one could have accessed these secret government documents without a garage remote. Biden, in fact, said he often takes the box of documents with him in the passenger seat of his Corvette while out for a drive with the top down just to keep an eye on them for better security when he is not at home.
Asked if traveling with the classified documents makes them less secure, Biden said he keeps one arm on the top of the box while driving to make sure none blow away.
“Besides that,” he reassured, “the American public can feel confident their information was secure even in the garage because I would never let my prize Corvette sit in any unsecured location like a public parking lot during a pitstop on Sundays. Uh, I could use a pitstop right now, come to think of it,” Biden mumbled, unbuttoning his pants as he shuffled toward his front door.
Household staff, when questioned about the security of the situation as Biden was walking away, said they had occasionally seen Biden’s car parked parked out on the driveway while highly Vetted lower-level staff with no document security clearances gave the car a bath with the garage door left up. Sometimes they would leave for lunch and leave the door up.
Biden paused then returned, stating firmly and shaking his finger at the reporter who had asked the question, “That didn’t happen any more around the Biden residence than yours or anyone else’s, and no one would dare enter this garage even with the door up because no one f!@k$ with a Biden!”
Because this scandal was known before the 2022 election took place but was not reported by the FBI until recently, Republicans are lashing out against government “election tampering.” Even though Biden already knew classified documents had been found in his own garage and in a non-government office he used, he had criticized Trump prior to the public release of this week’s news for “irresponsible” handling of classified government documents.
As Biden again began to walk away, one reported barked out, “Some are saying it was hypocritical of you to accuse Trump of irresponsibility for the same kind of thing. What do you have to say to them?” Biden paused and turned back again with a fierce stare. Scanning the group to figure out who had asked the offending question, the beleaguered president retorted, “No one is saying that. I’ll tell you who is saying it. You’re saying it! The press is saying it, but not the people! The American people know that accusation was perfectly legitimate on the basis that my garage has fewer people going in and out of it than Mar-a-Lago.”
“Besides which,” he said, “people who like Vettes are good people … like some of you people. Not the kind to take documents. And, if anyone wanted those documents when I was out driving with them, you need to know my Vette is really, really fast. It has a 300 horse-power engine coupled to the rear axil with a double-standard five-speed transmission. It can smoke, Man.”
Biden turned, looking for the door to his house, asking for someone named Jackie, and just before walking into the azaleas lining the driveway, looked over his shoulder to say, “Plus I’m an excellent driver.”
“You should see me on a bicycle,” he added as he caught his foot on the edging along the driveway and landed in the weeds.