George Santos is a Drag on the GOP. Here is a List of his Top-Ten Favorite Lies...
... and the far-fangled "facts" he covers them with.
Curious George, accused of Deeply Offensive Social Media Disorder, uses his hot air to spin lies faster than cotton candy at a carnival. Santos is full of so much hot air he could personally out-size any balloon in the Macy’s Day competition. In fact, publications say they can’t begin to keep up with his delusional world. There probably aren’t any Republicans out there who like Santos any better than Covid, and many Republicans wish he would just go away like a bad cold:
Overwhelming majority of New Yorkers want George Santos to resign: A plurality of Republican voters say Santos should resign as well…. Among Republicans, 49% said he should resign (Fox News)
For now, the Santos virus has no cure; but they say “laughter is the best medicine.” The best of Republicans would like to sanitize the party of him, and the best cleanser for lies is a little sunshine. In this case, we think shining the stark light of ridicule is a good line of defense, too; so, until someone finds a permanent cure, The Malarky presents the following list of Santos’s most famous fabricated facts along with the next lie Santos is likely to tell to cover for his original lie as lie begets lie in George Santos’s ever-spreading worldwide web of deceit:
1. The I’m-Jewish lie: Santos claimed he was Jewish until his background of Hitler and holocaust jokes emerged upon inspection of his claim. While he claimed his grandparents fled the holocaust, he might have forgotten to mention that they settled with some Boys from Brazil as part of a Hitler revival plot. They were as Jewish as Hitler’s Pope. His grandparents were more likely cloned in Brazil than born in Brazil.
The antisemitic historic revision of the lie: Santos will cover for his lie with a “heil” and a boot click and will claim it is impossible he ever said his grandparents were survivors of the holocaust because there never was a holocaust. As usual with George, each of the lies he uses to cover his lies always dig him in deeper.
2. The 9/11 emergency lie: Santos claimed his mother died inside the twin towers when they collapsed.
The WTC reconstruction of the lie: Santos’s mother will appear in public to claim she truly was in one of the towers when it collapsed, and that she was only recently found in what was left of the original basement during construction on the site so that George did not know yet that she is alive! When that woman is actually found to be an actress paid by Santos, George will respond, “What’s wrong with having a mother who is an actress? How do you think I got my role-playing skills?”
3. Lying in the Street at Wall and Broad: Santos’s campaign resume said he began his life after college with a career on Wall Street where he became one of the youngest vice presidents in the financial industry in history. His entire resume is a lie, except his name, and even that has been called into question more than once.
A broad coverup: Santos will claim his congressional resume came from his official government CIA files and was the identity created for him while he worked as a spy. Still working for Trump’s Russian Disinformation Dept. at the time he ran for office, he was forced to use the official resume to maintain the secrecy of his true identity. Verification documents for this requirement have been deposited per government regulation in Joe Biden’s garage for safe keeping. He will unfortunately not be able to attain them to verify his claims until after the DoJ has finished its investigation. Likewise, the media’s confusion over his aliases, Anthony Devolder and Anthony Zabrovsky, are due to his years of service in the CIA.
4. Lies with legs: Santos faces multiple criminal investigations in the U.S. and Brazil where his web of lies has spawned an actual WhatsApp discussion group called “Lies Have Short Legs,” made up of people who knew Santos under the last name “Devolder” in Brazil. They now gather online like a therapy group to talk about all the lies Santos told them and to marvel at each new story he comes up with. A Brazilian woman in the group took Santos in like a mother and gave him a place to stay at her home in Brazil because his actual mother, Fatima Devolder (probably named, by George, after George’s vision of the Virgin Mary), was poor. She now says, “He stole my life.” He is accused of robbing her blind while living under her care. Members of the group knew Santos under multiple variants of his name. Santos has also admitted to stealing blank checks from an elderly man and using them to buy clothes. A long string of roommates and boyfriends has accused Santos of stealing from them as well.
The other leg of this international journey: Santos has already stated that he only took the woman’s jewelry to protect it because she lived in a rough neighborhood, though she says he has never returned it. Therefore, he will likely next state he used the old man’s checks to buy clothes for the old man because the old man couldn’t afford them himself and was too honest to write checks on non-sufficient funds. Therefore, Santos bought the mercy merchandise for him and signed the checks in the old man’s name for him as well. It was all a misunderstood act of charity, and he just hadn’t had time yet to run the clothes over to the old man’s apartment, which he planned to do when he returns the protected Jewelry to Brazil. The same can be said for all the items Santos has borrowed from former roommates and lovers over the years, including that tiny little $10,000 check, borrowed to cover his mother’s medical expenses after the World Trade Center collapsed on top of her, which is why she is alive and well today whenever he needs her to be.
5. The financial baron mother lie: George Devolder-Santos stated his mother was “the first female executive at a major financial institution” back in her WTC days. In truth, the only job any of George’s the-poorer-for-having-met-him friends saw Fatima in was housekeeping work. They say she used to bring home half-empty, expensive liquor bottles left in apartments when she was doing clean outs as gifts to the friends when they were roommates. A Brazilian newspaper published when she died of cancer said she was a “cook.”
The mother of all coverups: George Devolder-Santos will claim the bottles were only half empty because he drank from them on his drive home before delivering them to his roommates and that, obviously, his mother was quite wealthy to be daily giving away so much top-shelf liquor as if it were water. Santos will further claim the cancer she died of was mesothelioma due to the WTC falling on her. (Apparently before she became a living actress.)
6. His mother’s final check-out lie: Father Jose Carlos da Silva at Saint Rita's Catholic Church said Santos asked him to help raise money for his mother's funeral from the congregation. Santos set up Go-Fund-Me account to raise money for the wake — a large wake being apparently appropriate for a financial baroness. Santos stated on the Go-Fund-Me account the money was needed to support two children she had left behind. They, like Santos as a member of congress, were “not working.” While Santos claimed his mother was “caught up in the ash cloud” on 9/11, he also said pitifully, “She never applied for relief because her motto was, ‘I can afford it. We’re fortunate. We can take care of all our medical bills. If I take it, I’m taking it away from these men and women who need it and who put their lives on the line.’" So, Santos raised money from people sympathetic to 9/11 victims, taking money away from the firemen and policemen who put their lives on the line.
The will-o-the-wisp lie: Santos will claim the entire funeral was a fund-raising memorial event for 9/11 victims; therefore, it was appropriate to raise money for the funeral with his 9/11 sympathy claims that his mother was one of those wisped away in the ash cloud. It was seed money for what would, then, be raised through the funeral memorial donations for 9/11 victims. If asked what became of the funeral donations, he wills say he entrusted the funds to Father da Silva, who will say have to report he never saw any funds from the funeral and neither was the food for the wake ever paid for. George will retort there is nothing he can do about the church’s poor accounting mechanisms. The accountant, after all, is a volunteer, not the CEO of the world’s largest financial firm like his mother was, and it would be in poor taste to say anything further publicly about the woman’s accounting skills.
7. The cavorting lies: No lie is as salacious as the lifestyle of a juicy, gender-bender, bigamous, marital-tryst. George lived a lie with the woman of his dreams when, two years into his five-year marriage with her, he invited friends to his engagement party with the man he was about to marry before he got unmarried from her:
“Good evening everyone! As you all may already know Pedro and I have decided to join our toothbrushes! Lol and a very few friends have been selected to share this special moment with us!” Santos wrote in a 2014 Facebook “engagement dinner” invitation.
That was a select invitation, indeed, because Gigalo George certainly didn’t put his wife on the invitation list to the engagement party, nor tell his fiancé he was already married nor say any of that to those invited to the party. You see, the wife lived in Brazil, so she’d never know, and those in New York City would never know her! That is, at least, what one hopes when running wives of two different genders in two different countries. But the always engaging George got found out by his male fiancé, so the two-party engagement party never happened.
We don’t know how George covered for his cavorting, but he and his female wife did eventually split the sheets, so the truth must have made it back to Brazil eventually. Maybe she finally signed on to her Facebook account — not the smartest place to hide your wedding invitation if you don’t have polyamorous consent from your wife.
8. The sexy lies: Through these life experiences, George has learned that nothing sells like sex.
Vanity Fair writes:
It’s Wednesday, January 25, in America, and it’s time for our regularly scheduled check-in regarding the most recently unearthed lies that have come out of Representative George Santos’s mouth. One would hope this wouldn’t be a daily task—that, at best, we’d learn about a new lie every few weeks or months—and yet, it is!
…pharmacist Yasser Rabello, who lived with Santos for several months between 2013 and 2014 and now resides in Florida, said he was regularly fed a deluge of lies by the now congressman. Per Rabello, said lies included that Santos, who went by Anthony Devolder at the time:…
Was also a male model who worked at Fashion Week
Had hung out with Victoria’s Secret models
And was going to be in Vogue magazine.
It’s a picture-perfect career for sure.
The under-the-covers-up lie: Santos will disclothes the truth here by telling people who ask for proof of this history that the person claiming he ever said such things was a roommate who was jealous because Santos moved his boyfriend into the house, and the teller of tales had always wanted to be Santos’s boyfriend. This is one of those he said/he said stories where we’ll never really know what was whispered in the pillow talk.
9. The Boy-George King of entertainment lies: Santos, apparently has been just about every celebrity entertainer out there:
Embattled Rep. George Santos is refusing to face the music, but he appears to be relishing his moment in the spotlight.
Santos, the New York Republican, freshman fabulist and subject of federal, state, local and international investigations, was spotted Wednesday night by NBC News smiling, laughing and taking dozens of selfies with patrons during karaoke night at a popular Washington barbecue joint.
“Many people are asking why I’d want a selfie with George Santos, to which I say who *wouldn’t* want a picture with the lead singer of Queen, father of Texas BBQ, Purple Heart Iraq war hero, and three-time Super Bowl champion?” tweeted Natalie Johnson, a former GOP Hill staffer who snapped a selfie with Santos….
Rep. Veronica Escobar, D-Texas, said: “Any outside observer can tell you that this is someone who is absolutely, thoroughly, completely loving the attention he’s getting. It’s bizarre.”
George has even developed a press-corps entourage, and George certainly knows how to take care of his devoted followers:
In addition to hitting the town, Santos has left out treats this week for the pack of reporters and camera operators who have been diligently staking out his office in the Longworth House Office Building since his scandal broke. On Tuesday, it was Dunkin' Donuts … and on Thursday it was rainbow-frosted cupcakes.
One wonders if those companies pay for influencer sponsorships. George, the “serial sensationalist,” has groupies who love his lies. Thus, his most entertaining lies need no cover-up lie. To this sensational set of devotees, George is apparently the King of Entertainment. That is true even when King George is being Queen George the drag queen of entertainment:
10. The drag-queen/drama-queen lie: George lied to his constituents and said he has never been a drag queen. But he has apparently never hesitated to come out of the closet with some pretty lavish costumes in his other life down in Rio.
Again from Vanity Fair:
For those of you catching up, we learned earlier this week that in a single interview in December, Santos told a Brazilian podcast that he (1) had been the target of an assassination attempt, (2) had been mugged in broad daylight on Fifth Avenue, and (3) was so rich that he’d be donating his entire congressional salary. (For good measure, he also boldly—and falsely, of course—claimed that New York City schools put on 300 drag shows a day.
What the boy Queen George didn’t mention to his conservative audience is that he is sometimes the star of these shows; but boy George got outed with photo evidence.
First there was this:
Other photos emerged:
Dragging out the truth: George claimed this was a one-off (perhaps just meaning it was not like him to wear red). It never happened after that.
But then more photos came out of the woodwork and more drag queens came out of his skeleton closet to out him and even a Wikipedia article published years ago under his name in which he boasted of being a drag entertainer many times until it was called “his biggest lie.”
The critical lie to change the subject: George retorted to the new media barrage like a quick-change artist by suddenly becoming an entertainment critic:
"I have now been enshrined in late night TV history with all these impersonations, but they are all TERRIBLE so far," Santos, a Republican, tweeted Monday of Jon Lovitz's Jan. 20 impression from "The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon."
"Jon Lovitz is supposed to be one of the greatest comedians of all time and that was embarrassing— for him not me! These comedians need to step their game up," he added.
Gotta Lovit.
So, I guess what mattered to Santos in the end is not whether he lied about never being a drag queen and then about only being one once, but about how well the comedians did in mimicking him. George does not approve of poor representations of the truth.
George even countered his first accuser, who was a star on "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars" in a similar vein with an image from season 3 and a caption saying, "clearly you know all about bad acting skills @trixiemattel.”
Ok, on that much, Santos might have been telling the truth.